The food was fantastic. I found my good intentions of sticking with just meat and marinated veggies flew out the window and before I knew it I’d worked my way through the better half of a basket of pita bread. I don’t think I’ve eaten pita bread in a decade or more.
It was fun.
And because I’d already blown the clean eating plan I figured I may as well order a glass of wine to keep my mineral water company. I didn’t really need it as we were already nearly finished eating, so I had to knock it back at top speed right before leaving.
It was a bit silly, but hey – waste not, want not right?
When we got home I ate a full mini Loving Earth chocolate bar. Great quality chocolate but the point is I was already chock full and slightly annoyed at myself about the pita bread incident.
I didn’t need it.
Or the bowl of raspberries and cream I had afterwards. In bed.
This morning I sadly observe my stomach in the mirror. The definition I’ve worked so hard to get back over the past few months was nowhere to be seen. I felt annoyed at the whole situation but to be hnest I’m mainly annoyed at the fact that I just can’t get away with eating whatever I want anymore.
I seemed to be able to in my early twenties, but I also only worked part time and had relatively low stress or responsibility. I trained at least twice a day, often more. And I didn’t have crazy high mercury levels ramping down my thyroid activity. So maybe I wasn’t getting away with it after all.
On days like today my natural instinct is to spend most of the day at home.
Eating more food than what I really need. Feeling grumpy and powerless. It makes no sense really but I find my motivation goes down if I feel bad about the way my body looks or feels, and it goes up when I’m on track.
Confidence, it seems, begets confidence.
I say it makes no sense because it would be more helpful to become incredibly motivated when there is a greater need for a day or two of super clean eating and dynamic sweating. But I guess it makes sense in other ways.
On days like today I have to really push myself to remember that I am in charge. In charge of however my day might turn out, of whatever outcome my actions might have. And the outcome of a day of sloth and grump? It would be easier not to think about it; to put off motivation until tomorrow when life is a little busier and it’s therefore easier to slip back into my normal routine.
But today I’ve decided I will think about it. And when I do think about it? I’d rather take back my power now.
Taking Back Your Power!
The funny thing is that once I decide to take back my power, it is suddenly effortless. Instantly I am proud of myself, even though so far all I’ve achieved is a mindset shift. But really, that’s the hardest thing of all. Don’t you think?
My shift allows me to see myself going through the day energetically.
It provides me with thoughts of lean protein and green smoothies rather than heavily creamy scrambled eggs and mid-afternoon chocolate snacks. I imagine hitting my backyard punching bag in the afternoon while Alyssa naps rather than having a nap. Laying on the trampoline and meditating after I do so. I think about de-cluttering my study, and how good that will feel. It occurs to me that I could write a blog post about taking back your power rather than succumbing to reactionary feelings.
I see all of this, and because I see it I make I happen.
My thoughts, funnily enough, become my reality. I get through a great day and I feel good about myself. And I decide that next time we go to the Lebanese restaurant I just may eat half the pita bread basket again. Dessert as well.
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