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Do You Have Silly Beliefs Holding You Back?

December 9th, 2010

Read time: 2 minutes

AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. And GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. I am so brimming-over with anger and frustration right now that I just might self-implode. I’m trying really really hard to enter a zen-like state and get over it, but MAN am I ANGRY. Don’t worry, nothing life destroying happened to me. I haven’t had my house burgled or sustained any sort of injury. My loved ones are all well and fine and nobody has so much as infiltrated my chocolate stash. No, the anger I’m feeling right now is the kind which stems from normal everyday annoyances. When simple things don’t work out the way they should.

I’m about to start day one of Charles Polquin‘s Training the Female Client Special Considerations Seminar in Floreat, Perth. I can’t wait, not least because I think (not sure) that we’ll be going through a workout today and this will be my first time being trained under Charles’ tutelage. I’m also really excited about having a muscle testing consultation this morning with Bob Gueil, one of Charles’ Biosig CE guest teachers. We learned muscle testing from him last week and it was fascinating, to say the least.

But I digress.

I got up early enough this morning that I could get to class in time to have a coffee and whip out a little bit of writing, just to clear my mind. I get really really antsy when I don’t write regularly, and in the past week over here I’ve managed only one 20 minute session. Words. Must. Get. Out.

Long story short I waited 40 freakin’ minutes for a taxi, during which time I called 6 times and was told that obviously I wasn’t standing in an obvious position because they couldn’t find me. Never mind I’ve been picked up there every day the past week and never mind I was STANDING ON THE HIGHWAY WEARING A BRIGHT BLUE TOP AND RIGHT NEXT TO A DOUBLE MAN-SIZED SIGN SAYING ‘ No. 228’. Again I say GRRRR. Although to be honest I was nearly in tears by the time I finally got in a taxi, so ‘ruined’ was my idea of how the morning should go, and of how crucial it was that I not be late.

silly beliefs stealing my peace

Sitting in the taxi, though, something occurred to me. This might have been helped by the classical music the cabbie was playing although I do like to think that all the self-help education I’ve invested in over the years sometimes surfaces when reality demands it. Anyway, it hit me that I was reacting to something I had no control over, and doing so based on my expectations of how things ‘should’ go. My idea of how the world – or life – is supposed to work.

Have you ever done this? For sure, right? And if you think about it, it’s kind of a ridiculous way to behave. Why should a taxi come in a certain period of time? And why should my idea of having a great day today depend so firmly on spending time with a coffee and my thoughts before class?

when rituals get ruined

We all have little rituals that work for us. Some important rituals for me are said time with coffee and pen (okay, Mac keys), along with a necessary minimum of workout time. Sleep and good food also factor in, but time to myself in various ways is probably the most important. And the reality is that if I don’t get those things – even for a short period of time – I get insanely grumpy. I try to hold it in, I really do – particularly if the loss of control is due to traveling, or being with other people – but I’m not always so good at it. My husband says that everyone in the room, nay street, can tell if I’m not happy about something. Sorry to those of you who’ve experienced this.

Do you lose it when things don’t go your way?

Recently I sat down with a client who has been having a tough time getting results. Certainly there are many things she acknowledges she’s not doing 100%, and with a small child at home plus running her own business, I totally understand. But that aside it’s also true that she is finding it tougher to lose fat than what some other women – or men 🙂 – may do. When it comes to fat loss and improving health there are always highly individual, often toxicity or hormonally related, reasons why some people get seemingly effortless results while others battle for years. But – at least to an extent – there is also just the simple fact that it’s tougher for some than others. You may have experienced this yourself; perhaps you have a friend who can eat whatever they want, does little or no exercise, and still looks amazing. And you can console yourself all you like with the knowledge that they’re probably ‘skinny fat’ or are going to end up with osteoarthritis but really – we all just want to look a certain way that we consider ideal, don’t we? And we consider that if we put a certain amount of time and effort in – particularly when it fits the norms of what we ‘should’ have to do to get results – well, then, results should automatically follow.

it is what it is

I know some people absolutely hate the saying ‘it is what it is’, and perhaps I just respond well to corny platitudes, but there’s something so intrinsically simple yet profound about this idea. The truth is that your life will not always turn out how you plan. I don’t mean to imply that we are responsibility free, because I do quite firmly believe in the law of attraction and creating your reality. But I also think sometimes we need to re-assess what we consider fair, or realistic, or even true. If you’re so caught up in your idea of how things should be, you can miss a lot of really wonderful opportunities to just enjoy the present and go with the flow.

Take the taxi example – the 45 minutes I spent waiting was all outdoors on a beautiful sunny morning. Viewing things a different way I could have reveled in the chance to soak up some much-needed Vitamin D and – if I got really desperate to be productive (although the idea of always having to be productive is probably another silly belief I need to get over) I could have whipped through my emails on my phone or iPad. And regardless of whether or not a positive side can be found in every situation the truth really is that we do have the power to determine our emotional and physiological response to any circumstance. In the end, I chose to let the anger go and enjoy the day. And why wouldn’t I? The sun was shining, I made it to the course in one piece, and I even got a blog post out of the whole affair.

Over to you – can you think of any silly beliefs that are robbing you of your peace or holding you back from greater joie de vivre?

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6 people have commented
  1. Steph says:

    Ahh I know exactly how this feels.

    1. Two days ago I had the same taxi experience (although I waited an hour). I also felt like crying from frustration, even though it was for work and I should have been happy because standing outside for an hour is better than sitting at my desk for an hour.

    2. A few nights ago my head nearly imploded. I asked mum to pick up a prescrition for me at the chemist and forgot to tell her to say “yes” when they ask if you want the cheaper brand. She ended up paying $60 instead of $20. I have no idea why, because at the end of the day it’s just $40, but my head physically felt like it would implode, even though I kept telling myself to get over it!

    • Kat says:

      It’s funny how even when we’re getting ourselves all worked up we can be aware enough of it to have that calming inner voice telling us to get over it …. and yet still stubbornly choose not to listen half the time! Glad to know I’m not the only one 🙂

  2. Lori says:

    Hi Kat,
    I want to know your opinion on my case. It is slightly relevant to patterns causing angst- but on a huge scale. Recently I made a big move from one side of the U.S. to the other, and around the same time, I discontinued taking oral contraceptives. This move was too much to handle, and the pills made me emotional enough, so if I wanted to survive the move with out crying my brainz out, I had to quit. Plus, I just don’t like the idea/feeling of them*. When I moved here, I was taken away from all rituals, and I gained stress weight. In order to compensate, I went over kill with control, and I was over training and eating far too few calories (all with in the paleo/primal approved categories) and as a result, I am now amenorrheic. I visited the Dr. and her magic 10 day pill didn’t jump start my menses, and she recommended that I try using pills again- but the pill + stress + working out like my body was never good enough is what caused it all.

    I am now seeing an acupuncturist, and she is working hard to build my self back up so I can have normal hormone function that my body creates (no help from hormone replacements). I realize that this was brought about by a prolonged state of stress and depletion, but I have trepidation in regards to consuming more and working out less. I actually lost some stress weight at first (my body finally had recoup. time and proper fuel), but I can’t choose between my vein fears of gaining fat vs. being fertile. How do you view this situation, hormonally? What suggestions do you have eating wise? How are you such a machine and still capable of reproduction? I read many a thing about work out buffs having amenorrhea. I have been depleting my liver , kidneys, bones, and mental acuity for a smaller body- and I am afraid to miss out on the fun of lifting heavy weights in order to achieve a homeostasis that means more food, fat stores, and less push ups.

    Few! That was epic. Have you ever come across any women with amenorrhea? I want to regain my menses naturally so I can be fertile using my own hormones. Any ideas?

    Thank you Thank you!
    *L

    • Kat says:

      Hi Lori,

      That is pretty much outside of the scope of what I can do without a one on one consult, but I’ll do my best! Firstly, I don’t believe for a second that being lean and lifting weights has to mean hormonal disruption. Although there are many women who struggle with similar issues to what you’re explaining. In my opinion and my clinical experience this usually comes from a host of reasons but often relates back to a history of poor or low-fat/low-protein eating habits. This is not always the way, but that’s something I’ve noticed.

      Stress can be very powerful and any form of ongoing stress can cause you to stop having periods, so that’s another factor.

      There are herbal remedies that balance the female hormones but that’s something you’d need to consult for. I’d suggest finding a good Biosignature practitioner in your area; they will be able to help you more specifically 🙂

      Kat

      • Lori says:

        Thanks! Hormones are tricky! They do things to you with out your permission, Tjsn, even though they are only trying to protect you. I guess I need to let my body know that I’m no longer in any harm, and it can put down the shield. My hormones need to stop curling up in fetal position- I’m not being chased by a bear, just in a new place. I think I’ll continue the slow process of building my self back up with these naturual remedies. If my body really wants to ‘survive’, it will know that I should function like a normal woman, with no man made estrogen pills. Just woman. 😉
        Thanks for your response!
        Lori